This time around
by Forbidden.Love.21
Summary: She doesn't know why he died, why he left her here with all these questions and a job of protecting his brother; a brother who starting to haunt her dreams with memories that never were.  tof verse
1. Aftermath

"I want you to give this to him," The sound of the hell hounds outside the door sent flutters through my heart, "Dean-"

"Promise me Alex," he put his necklace in my hand, but it felt like it was the world. So I did the only thing I knew I could do; I said yes.

0.O

I could feel the necklace in my back pocket, burning my skin through the fabric of my jeans. My knuckled white on the steering wheel, with flakes of blood still lingering. My eyes blurred with tears. I kept forcing myself not to cry, not to think about what I had to do. about all the unanswered questions, about Dean- about his Death.

"Help me," I whispered, my voice raw. "If you're here, just help me get through this."

0.O

"Alex," Bobby put his hand on my shoulder, but I could barely feel it. "You know he wouldn't want this." his voice was gruff, but i could still hear all the grief, the anger in it as if it was my own. "There is still time-"

"I don't care what he would want, Bobby" I shook his hand off my shoulder. "He'll need a body to come back to."

"Now don't you go do somethin' stupid. You hear me Alex?" he forced me to look at him, "Dean is dead, but we still got to go on." he sighed, shutting his eyes.

"Why?" I asked, "Why is he dead? Why were they after him Bobby?" I turned around kicking dirt into the hole that held Dean's coffin, his body. "What did you do. huh?" I screamed at him, kicking more ground into the hole. "What deal did you make Dean? What did you gain by dying? what was so important that you'd leave me for?"

0.O

"Where you headed kid?"

"California."

The bar tender gave me a smirk, "LA?"

I shook my head, "Stanford."

0.O

He answered after the third knock. It was four in the morning and the anger in my soul could burn anyone who touched me. "Hello?" his voice sounded unsure, and I couldn't help but stare at his face trying to find traces of Dean in him. "Are you Sam?"

His eyes, they had the same eyes.

I looked away not waiting for an answer I pushed past him and into his apartment. "Excuse me," he followed me into his kitchen as i took a beer out of his fridge "Who the hell are you?" It was watered down.

Holly water.

I chugged it down.

"Im Alex."

He shook his head, with a 'so what expression'

"Dean sent me."

I told him, his face hardening in an instant. "Look. Whatever he has to say to me, he can say it himself," I glared at him, all of my anger my pain directed towards him "That would be kinda hard Sammy, since he's dead."

o.O

A/N Let me know watcha think :)


	2. Mourning

My back was against the wall, a knife to my throat and all I could do was pray that he would press a little harder and end all of this.

"What are you?" his voice was threatening, "Who are you?"

I was silently pleading with him,"Do it, kill me."

He growled, starting over again, "who are you?" he swallowed tightly, "he wouldn't give this to anyone, you had to have taken it from him!"

For just a moment my pain- my eagerness to die vanished while pure rage took it's place, a bitter rage.

My hunters training took over- training Dean never wanted me to know, yet he forced me to perfect. I pushed Sam away, knocking the knife from his hand, it slid across his apartments wooden floors.

"I was his family!" I shouted, kicking out his legs from under him. He brought me down with him, my head hitting the floor with a loud crack, my back arching in pain.

I saw stars.

And just like that I was done, a pain fIlled cry rocked my body, tears spilled freely from my eyes.

"I was his family!" Sam's angry voice broke through my sobs. I sat up, pulling my knees to my chest. Shaking my head I told him, my voice barley above a whIspher "You were the scared little boy who ran away from him family"

o.O

The bar was crowed, the warm air felt like fire to my skin. I didn't want to be here, in fact it was the last thing I wanted. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get Dean's voice out of my head. "He'll need you Alex, and you'll need him. promise me you'll try."

"You shouldn't have followed me" Sam said as I reached him, slamming another shot of whiskey down. "You think I want I watch your pity party?" I argued, " If I had my way, I'd be long gone by now."

"Then why are you here?" he all but growled at me.

"Dea-" my voice cracked, pain shooting to my heart. So I cleared my voice and tried again. "He wanted me to be here. I promised him-"

Sam snorted, "Dean could never keep his promises, why should you?"

I ignored his question, instead asking one of my own. "why haven't you asked me?"

"Ask you what? "

"you know what."

He shrugged, "it doesn't really matter does it?" he took another shot, "He got what he wanted. his hunters happy ending."

"You're a bastered, y'know that right." I hissed.

"And you're stupid if you think for even a second that his life could have ended another way."

"He made a deal with a crossroads demon," I snapped "I wouldn't consider that the norm."

I saw the shock and pain cross his face, and for a moment I felt sorry for him. then I remembered how Dean called out his name as the hellhounds riped him apart and any sympathy I had vanished.

"That doesn't make sense. " Sam said, "Dean wouldn't make a deal.. if he did, he would have had ten years to-"

"One," I spoke softly, "It only gave him one year."

o.O

A/N: follow me at fragilegravityx if you have a twitter, & let me know your from ff, and I'll give you a spoiler / scene from any story of mine you want. As a thank you for sticking with me. & hope you enjoyed this, I know it was short... but I'm still updatng from my phone.


	3. DeJa Vu

"That doesn't make sense; you get ten years with a crossroads deal"

"Don't you think I know that?" I snapped at him, my voice hushed not wanting to bring attention to our conversation. "Something happened, something big. Something Dean didn't want me to know." I took a deep breath and continued, "Everything changed a year ago, and he started acting different... more withdrawn than normal."

"I thought it had to do with you. I thought he was just missing you. But When I mentioned you, when I suggested coming to see you... he freaked out. So I dropped it. Then, a month before his year was up he told me."

"Told you what?"

"That his time was up," I shut my eyes and I could almost hear Dean's voice in my head "That he was sorry, but he had to do it. He had to make the deal, it was the only way."

"That's It?" Sam asked, "You didn't ask questions? You didn't dig for answers? You didn't try to save him?"

"Of course I did!" I shouted, and then quickly quieting myself "I begged him to tell me. I searched through everything, I replayed every hunt we had been on in the past year, and I pleaded with every hunter to help me find something... anything to stop the deal. And there was nothing, nothing that I could do Sam."

He looked at his beer bottle, rolled it between his palms. "You should go."

I nodded my head, getting off of the bar stool. "He never stopped missing you, Sam." I paused before continuing "I'll be at the motel near campus, room 8. I'll be leaving in a few days. I found a lead to a devils gate. I figured..." I shook my head, "I'm getting him back...No matter what."

o.O

_"Alex! C'mon." _

_"Hold your horses Sam; jeez I'll be done in a minute!" I yelled back to him through the bathroom door._

_"I don't know why it takes her so long to get ready," I heard Dean grumble, "It's not like she ever looks any different when she comes out!"_

"_Do you know how hard it is to be a girl and only have these Motel bathrooms to get ready in Dean?" I opened the bathroom door, "Not everyone can get showered and dressed in five minutes flat and come out looking like a GQ model."_

"_You think I look like a GQ model?" Dean smirked._

"_I think you and Sam both are extremely lucky in the looks department, yet sorely lacking in others" _

"_HEY!" _

"_Guys," Sam barged in interrupting our fighting "Can we get a move on? This case isn't going to solve itself while you guys figure out who's the prettiest"_

"_I'm the clear winner," Dean grumbled._

_o.O_

**KNOCKKNOCKKNOCK!** **KNOCK!**

"I'm coming, I'm coming! Hold your horses!" I wrapped the towel around my body, my hair dripping wet I walked to the Motel door, "You don't have to knock the door dow-" I stopped, "Sam?"

"I'm in!" He pushed passed me and "Let's find the sonovabitch who did this."

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><p>Hey guys, Sorry for taking so long to update. My Phone no longer lets me on Fanfiction, I think I broke it Haha, but I just got a new laptop. So be on the look out for lots of new updates and rewrites. Maybe some new stories? Haha<p>

-Sarah


	4. Stance

It's funny how one moment one choice can change your whole future but it's absolutely terrifying how one person, one decision they make can destroy your whole world.

I couldn't help but wonder if Dean had thought about that before he made the deal, if he knew what he was doing not just to me but to Sam, too himself.

"How long have you been," Sam cleared his throat and looked away as I dropped my towel and put a white t shirt on.

"Sorry," I mumbled "There is a spider the size of Texas in the bathroom. I lost track of it when you knocked" I pulled on some jean shorts. "What were you saying?"

"How long have you been hunting?"

"Not long," I took the brush through my hair, "I wasn't born into this life like you guys. Dean saved me and was basically stuck with me since. I lost my family, my world. And with a target on my back Dean took me in. He didn't want to teach me, but he knew it was the only way I had a fair shot at protecting myself."

"Were you two," he paused looking for the right word "together?"

I couldn't help but smile. "No. It wasn't like that. Not really. I think it could have been but" I paused wondering how to explain it to a stranger when I couldn't really even explain it to myself.

"But what?"

"Dean thinks he destroys everything he loves, everything he touches. I think he was scared he'd break me if he went there. And he was probably right, ya know? So no matter how close we became he always held back, he always kept a big piece of him distant."

"Seems like you knew him pretty well then" I couldn't help but hear the cold seep back into Sam's voice.

"I did. I like to think I did at least." I looked into Sam's eyes and I felt my heart break seeing Dean in them. "You don't have to like me Sam. Hell you can hate my guts for all I care. But I was the one who was there, I was the one who-"

"Who what," he snapped "Let Dean make a Deal? Let him Die?"

"Who cared enough to stick around!"

"You think I didn't care? You think I wouldn't have come if he called and told me what the hell was going on?"

"I think you need to believe that you would have come. But you wouldn't have. I know that and Dean knew that. When John died-"

"DON'T- you dare bring my father in this!" He walked closer to me, readying himself for a fight.

"What else is off limits Sam? You left your family! They loved you, Dean loved you and you walked out on him. Why would Dean call you when nothing pointed to the fact that you would care."

"Screw you!" He screamed in my face. His body was tense with anger and pain, his breathing rapid.

"Maybe you coming here-"

"No! Damnit!" he sat down on the bed, his fingers running through his hair, "I'm going to help you, whether you or I like it."

"So help me Sam, help me understand why you would leave? Why chasing normal was so much more important to you than your family?"

"You wouldn't understand"

"You're right, I wouldn't. I'd give anything-"

"Anything and everything is what I would have had to give to stay with them. I wanted more, for myself- for my future. Holding on to that anger, bent on revenge? Growing up with that, I couldn't stay and not lose myself"

"So why are you here now?" I pointed to the guns lying on the motel bed, the walls covered in research "If revenge isn't what you want, then you are in the wrong place Sam."

"I'm in the right place, for the first time in a long time I feel like I'm right where I'm supposed to be"

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><p>Review? :)<p> 


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